How to create utopia with words, backed up by science
Children exposed to verbal abuse have higher rates of adult psychopathology.
This is because growing up around abusive words often leads to physical differences in your brain. These differences increase your chances of mental illness as an adult, and make it harder for you to understand basic social cues.
On a happier note, David Brooks found that Australian Aboriginals who speak Guungu Yimithirr “always know which way is north, even in caves”.
Geographic langues use broader points of reference like north and south, instead of left and right. “Raise your right hand” becomes “raise your north hand” for example. The Guungu Yimithirr tribe, and others who speak geographic languages, were found to have an “uncanny sense of direction”.
Language alters the physical development of your brain, according to science.
So what happens when abusive verbal patterns become ingrained in society? What happens when a group of people become so desensitized they don’t even notice the violence in their common vernacular?
Desensitization describes a learning process where the more you experience something without any consequences, the less you care about it.
“The straw that broke the camel’s back”.
Hearing that phrase, you probably didn’t even raise an eyebrow to this casual reference to snapping a spine.
Desensitization is commonly used to treat phobias, and is the reason people who view violence in an imaginary world like film or gaming have a calmer reaction to violence in real life.
Students learning English, who weren’t familiar with this paralysis-inducing straw reacted very differently.
“Why would you want to break a camel’s back?” asked one horrified German. “How could you say that?”
The German equivalent is “Der Tropfen, der das Fass zum Uberlaufen” literally translated to “the drop that caused the barrel to overflow”.
In Dutch it’s “dat is de drupel die de emmer doet overlopen”, the droplet that overflowed from the bucket.
The English phrase, appropriated from an Arabic proverb, first appeared in Thomas Fuller’s Gnomologia in the 1600s.
In cultures including the U.S., violence is used to describe excess. Others understand it through the fluid strength of water.
As an English speaker, how many of these phrases have you been desensitized to?
“To flog a dead horse”.
“The pen is mightier than the sword”.
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”
Or even simply commenting on someone’s relationship, by calling them “whipped”.
Why all the flogging, biting, whipping and swords? More importantly, how does this impact the way you approach life?
A few little phrases, what’s the big deal?
The way you use language doesn’t only impact mental illness. It also affects your ability to take risks, be creative, feel empathy, and grow smarter.
A Stanford University study comparing Mandarin and English speakers found that the language spoken caused the speaker to treat concepts of time very differently, because the way time is treated in the language is different.
The study further revealed that language can change habitual and abstract thought. When subjects were taught to speak in a different way, they also solved problems differently.
According to a study from the University of Virginia, growing up in poverty can cause a lower IQ (the notion of IQ being purely hereditary was abandoned years ago).
Coincidentally, children raised in poor families hear 32 million fewer words than children raised in professional families. Those rationed words are also typically spoken in far less encouraging and less consistent tones, making it significantly harder for a child to determine what “sounds right”.
Sticks and stones matter. So do words.
Neurologically, ideas are processed based on how familiar and tolerable they are in popular language, and their perceived relationship with other words or images.
Imagine approaching the day like a playground instead of a battlefield. Instead of ‘going head to head’, why not ‘meet eye to eye’? Why does tug-of-war have to be a war?
What would change along with your words?
Homework
Try this: quietly listen to the language you use, even when it’s just in your head.
You can use what Daniel Siegel calls mindsight by
- listening to yourself and others
- evaluating what you hear
- deciding which inner self you want to dominate your behavior.
Now you’re aware of how important language is, try choosing your words to match the impact you want to have.
Here are some suggestions to get started.
Re-framing anxiety into excitement can directly influence your chances of success.
Ditch the word hard, unless you’re talking about diamonds. Challenges are overcome, slogs end, but hard is forever.
Try recognizing a talented person. Often, we call displays of talent “show-off” to mask our own feelings of inadequacy, or because of an antiquated level of virtue given to being humble. Let the gifted shine.
Put the most important thing first. People-first language positions traits after the fact that a body is human. ‘Person with disability’ emphasizes the human aspect, compared to ‘disabled person’.
Instead of being someone “with” a walker, Cara Liebowits prefers to be someone who “uses” a walker. Changing one word makes Cara sound “much less like my walker is attached to me or following me around”.
Language is powerful.
The words you speak matter.
The words you think matter.
How can you use this powerful tool for good?
